Weaning: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Well, after a lot of tears (mostly on my end), a lot of guilt and a lot of change to our routine, Hayes is officially weaned. I’m going to share all of the tips and tricks that helped us, as well as the schedule that allowed me to have him fully weaned in a month. Keep in mind, this is what worked for me, but always talk to your doctor if you’ve got questions or are having any issues as you start the process.

First things first- why now?

The answer to this question is one that only you can answer. I had a personal goal to try and get Hayes my milk for a year, so I worked towards that for months (lots of pumping and freezing involved since I knew I had to have him weaned by the end of March) and will be able to meet my goal which I’m really proud of. Again, that was a personal goal and one that worked for my schedule, my body and my life at this point. No matter how long you’ve nursed, weaning can be hard physically and emotionally, so no need to add any extra stress onto yourself by comparing your journey to anyone else’s.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m doing my second and final IVF transfer this coming June. In order to make that happen, I need to start meds in April which means Hayes needed to be weaned by March. Knowing that ahead of time, allowed me to freeze a lot of milk that will get him past his 1st birthday, but that was only part of the process. Stopping nursing was the hardest part by far, for me. Pumping took a TON of time, but looking back I’m really thankful that I had the time to do that so he can continue with breast milk until he’s 1. If I wasn’t doing another transfer I probably would have kept nursing him until a year and wouldn’t have pumped so much, but I’ve had this planned for months which helped me set some goals.

Schedule:

For me, the first step was coming up with a schedule. Hayes was nursing about 5 times during the day and several times during the night, so I wrote each feeding down and prioritized them from easiest to let go of and replace with a bottle, to hardest to let go of. Here’s what my schedule looked like for the month that it took me to wean. For me- getting up at night to make a bottle wasn’t ideal and he nursed for comfort a lot, so I knew this one would be the hardest to let go. I saved that one for the last week. You also have to factor in your body’s needs and replace feedings gradually so you’re not totally engorged and dealing with clogged ducts or mastitis.

Week 1:

Morning nap: nurse

Afternoon: Bottle

3:00- nurse

Evening: bottle

Bedtime: nurse

Overnight: nurse

Week 2:

Morning nap: nurse

Afternoon: bottle

3:00- bottle

Evening: bottle

Bedtime: nurse

Overnight: nurse

Week 3:

Morning nap- nurse

Afternoon- bottle

3:00- bottle

Bedtime- bottle

Overnight- nurse

Week 4:

Morning nap- bottle

Afternoon- bottle

3:00- bottle

Evening- bottle

Bedtime- bottle

Overnight- nurse

By week 5 he was officially weaned.

I think having a schedule was key. It helped me mentally to know that this bottle feeding might be hard and he’s upset and I’m upset- but we can nurse like normal in just a few hours. It helped me to gradually let go and know that I only needed to worry about one week at a time, instead of the big picture which was really daunting.

Replacing Feedings with bottles:

Hayes took a bottle pretty well from my mom and my mother-in-law most of the time, but would *not* take a bottle from me. It honestly seemed to upset him and he would get pretty worked up. I felt terrible, knowing that I was withholding the one thing that he wanted and would cry. A lot. My mom and my mother-in-law had to help me with some of those early feedings and I would highly recommend that, if you’ve got someone else that can help.

After some trial and error, Hayes ended up preferring sippy cups with cold milk over a warm bottle, which honestly shocked me. It made it super simple when I started giving him milk during the night (I’d thaw out a bag of milk and just keep it in the fridge ready for the night). I found these sippy cups on Amazon and would love them!

The bottles I used worked really well for months and are supposed to feel similar to skin. I was surprised he didn’t want them anymore with warm milk, but again- I think it just reminded him too much of nursing and upset him that it wasn’t the real deal!

Holy Emotions:

Something I did not expect at all was how emotional the whole process would be. I did not for one second expect to cry as much as I did, or to feel as much guilt as I did. I considered stopping multiple times because it was killing me to see him so upset. I felt like I was being selfish, like I was being a bad mom and like I was confusing my baby. Now that the fog has lifted and the hormones have regulated, I know that absolutely none of that is true, but I think it’s important to know that if you feel those things it’s ok and that you’re not alone. It didn’t even dawn on me that my body was going through MAJOR hormonal shifts until a friend on Instagram reminded me of that. Once I remembered that, it helped me when I was getting really sad to remember that it’s probably just my hormones and not that I’m actually doing anything wrong.

Random Tips:

Here are a few random tidbits I was given. Some of these worked, and some didn’t, but they’ve all worked for somebody at some point, so maybe you’ll find one here that will help you!

-Have a partner help with feedings- especially at night

-Still feed skin to skin

-Wrap the bottle in a shirt that smells like you when feeding

-Start a completely new feeding routine. Instead of sitting in the same chair, wrapped in the same blanket, listening to the same music that you did while nursing, change it up. Find a new spot. Listen to different music. Switch the routine around so they know that things are changing.

-Try cold milk- you might be surprised and find that they prefer it!

-Try a sippy cup instead of a bottle

-Try and spend some time away from baby during this process. I made a point to have dinner out with friends 2 times during the first week which helped tremendously. It was SO HARD for both of us the first few days and some separation was actually really helpful. Hayes was less upset when I wasn’t around and it saved a lot of tears on both of our ends. When I was home, he just wanted me and it was so hard to hear him cry.

-Realize that it’s going to be HARD for a few days. Like really, really hard. Take it one step/one feeding/one day at a time and know that you will get on the other side and both of you will be just fine!

-Try cabbage leaves if you’re still producing milk after a few days of not nursing.

-Pump every couple of days for only about 5 minutes (just to get relief, if necessary).

The Physical Process:

Again- probably different for everyone, but I was really sore for a couple of weeks after I was finished nursing. I was SUPER tender and it hurt like crazy to even hold Hayes against my chest. It took 2-3 weeks post nursing for everything to dry up and settle down. I did pump 2-3 times during the weaning process (all within the last 2 weeks of weaning) for relief. You might need more or less depending on your milk supply, but it’s important to stay on top of it and not mess around with clogged ducts. I used a heating pad from time to time and also counted on hot showers to help offer some relief.

In Closing:

What a journey. It will always amaze me that my body completely sustained my son’s for so many months of his life. Nursing was a beautiful journey and not one that I’m sure I’ll be able to experience again, which is why I think I had such a hard time letting it go. I was so proud of all that I accomplished through nursing my baby and wouldn’t trade it for anything. Everyone’s journey is so different and so unique which is what makes it so special.

If you have any additional tips and tricks that helped, send them my way! And as always- make sure and let your doctor know if you have any issues. Motherhood is hard and this was one of the hardest aspects so far, for me, but we made it. He’s fine. I’m fine. Our bond hasn’t changed one single bit and I am here to support you in any way!